Back to Diary…..”Dear Mother Divine”
Oooh Dear Divine Mother,
(December 24 2015) As the longing to know You grows, You gently reveal Your true nature to those who contemplate on You. You allow us to slowly expand our understanding so that we can peep into Your playground from behind Your appearing scenery, from backstage. In the three levels of Consciousness You are performing an eternal show that entertains the senses, without You ever doing anything. Your constant flux of the non-existing elements, the uninterrupted flow of apparent movement, is dancing in formless shapes. From the layer of infinite wisdom, Prajna, thoughts keep bubbling up into Your theater called mind, morphing into words and actions, telling endless stories. To give us—as appearing individuals—the opportunity to either unconsciously or consciously perform a role in the spectacle of experiences. Ooh dear Divine Mother, Your playwriting is inexhaustible, as from Your Formlessness endless stories can be told…
As this individual is trying to wake up to its true nature, to You, ooh Divine Mother, it slowly is able to admit its role in this Divine Play. Mostly, it still believes its story is real. Its past is its identity. Its desires are the apparent future. Looking around it perceives the fellow performers as separate. Some people are a part of its story, some seem to be able to move on the stage of life unseen, unnoticed, never being a part of “my” storyline.
Ooh… everything always seemed so real. Real meaning being unconsciously engaged in a world ‘out there’. In which this little island called “me” floats around experiencing the incoming sensory experiences as coming from a separate world. I versus the world. The objects I picked up felt not-me. As they seemed something solid, firm, something existing on themselves. The sounds I heard felt like different from me. As there is the sensation that they entered into me from outside. The colors I saw looked like separate from me. As my eyes seemed to constantly take pictures from a world out there. Constantly, it seemed that by experiencing the world through the senses it enhanced the feeling of separation. But there is no separation… It is the grand illusion of duality performed on the stage of Non-duality.
Because, ooh Mother… As I keep asking myself “Who I am?”, from the inside it whispers to look deeper within. Asking inwardly “What is real?”, a realization slowly reveals itself that only something that cannot change is real. If it comes, flows, and goes, how can we depend on it as real? Some moment in time it will be gone and then it will not be part of what is, thus it cannot be Real-ity. If something appears and then for sure will one day vanish we can ask ourselves “From where did it come and in what will it disappear?” This grand performance of constant change has to appear in a theater that doesn’t change. Since all forms are always subject to change, its stage can only be Formlessness.
So, all I am—as a form—is a story in Your grand performance, ooh Mother Divine! And all along I thought I was REAL! But, if this little me has come, stays for a while, but has to leave this stage called life, I—as a form—am definitely not real. Although this little me wants to forget this. Yet death is non-negotiable…
When anyone would ask me who I am, I would be able to tell you my story. This is where I grew up. This are the adventures I have been through. These are the people that I loved. These are the people I dislike, hated. This is the society that gave me the “normal”. All these details are nicely stored in the memory, all part of the storyline called “me”. I am my story. The story as it unfolds over the appearance of time shapes the me in a constant changing shape moving through the world. Its next move depends on what the mind has stored, because it is the desires that motivates the thoughts, actions and speech. Ooh fellow actors, can you see your story? A whole inner photo album full of details that make up a “you”.
Are these desires, these memories, these stories really me? This collection of desires and memories appears as a me. But is this the real me? Its story creates the actor on the stage. This me thinks it is this story. It thinks it owns the story, as these are “my” memories. But are these memories mine? Do I own them? Are they my possession? If these memories—all added up—make up the “me”, then how can this me turn around and claim that it owns them. This is the effect claiming to own the cause! On top of that new sensory experiences are adding to “my” photo-album. It seems an un-ending cycle; the memories form a “me”, and there is something in the mind that can label things as me, it thinks it owns the memories, creates more memories, stores more memories, constantly building and shaping this “me”. From where has this cycle emerged? There must be something that appears to be prior to the stories.
Ooh… slowly this story called “me” is able to see that it is not self-existing. Its story constantly changes and change is not real. Thus, it cannot be self-existent. It is leaning on something else. There is something bigger going on. This me is emerging out of, made from, or molded out of something bigger than being an individual, separated, on its own, all alone, drifting in an ocean of multiplicity.
As long as there are desires, the story continues. The world remains its stage on which this story can unfold. As long as the story unfolds there is a lead role called a “me”. Ooh fellow actors, look at your own past, look at the collection of desires. From it you can see the story of the future. You can see the ongoing story unfolding and your character being shaped. If this cycle is not broken somehow the story will continue forever. Desires will be fulfilled, but new memories will be added, new desires will be added, and this me endlessly will appear on the stage to fulfill more desires.
Slowly another story can unfold in the life of a human being. In the script for today time can be set aside for meditation and contemplation. So that the nature of the story, the props, the leading-role, the stage and its theater can be discovered. Through practice the ground out of which all stories emerge can be discovered.
Gradually the apparent me is able to release its doer-ship, its owner-ship. I—as who I thought I was; a self-existing being—is not the doer of the movements this “I” seems to make. I, as a character on the stage am the effect of the pool of desires playing out. I am not the owner; the constant playing out of desires is just the nature of existence. Whatever is hidden in the unconscious will play itself out. It is its Dharma.
It is not a hopeless story though in which nothing can be done. Something can be done. See that “you” as a form are an expression of these desires. Be aware that these are not the real you. Then whatever does happen doesn’t have to be taken on as me. We can stop identifying ourselves with the story. We can stop identifying ourselves with the particular story that comes out of the pool of desires. But we can even go a step further. We can stop identifying ourselves with the fact that we ARE a story. No matter which story it is. No matter what details it contains. We can step out of the cycle of the story. Which is subtler then just stopping to identify with a particular story. It is allowing our awareness to step away from the story-making process. This can be done while the remaining story is allowed to be played out. Then, there comes a distance between the True Self and the story that seems to unfold in front of the Self. Ceasing to identify with the story-process allows surrendering to spontaneously happen. The identification with the story-making process naturally starts to fall away. Increasingly awareness is conscious of the One who appears to give life to the desires. Which is the Formless ground in which this theater show seems to occur. That is what real-ly is. That is what we real-ly are. We are Formless existence that takes on the stories. We are That which plays through these pools of desires to emerge as a grand auspicious spectacle of multiplicity. “That”, in a way, is both the doer and the non-doer, yet at the same time neither of them. Non-doer because it as Formlessness will never be the form it appears to be. And appearing as the doer as it seems to be the Formless cause that provides the stage for the form to sparkle on.
Therefore, gradually the totality of the story called me can be renounced. The story as it keeps unfolding can be enjoyed from the perspective that can be playfully called “the true audience”, namely the Witnesser. This, ooh Mother Divine, is You! I am really You. Isn’t it amazing. The little-me as a story can become aware of You, which is Me, and then we can really play! I am not the words, the script, the story, but can fully enjoy the story as it is performed in front of Me.
Ooh, fellow actors, can you see how you really can become your own script-writer? But is it really yours? Being in the middle of the story, engaged in the story that appears real for you doesn’t seem to give you this opportunity, as the story leads you, the desires lead you. But as you surrender this little me to Me. As the ownership is renounced. The story can be witnessed from the point from where the words emerge as a script.
Ooh, fellow actors, can you see that “your” life is playing out as a story told by the desires and memories? That there is a whole reservoir waiting to be expressed? This reservoir is partly unconscious and thus we don’t know our own script. Pages are missing, the beginning and ending unknown. But by becoming aware of the desires, we can strengthen and play out the useful ones that support our expedition into and through the unknown desire world. When the desire world is understood, not merely in its details, but more importantly in its process, its process can be let go of. Purifying one desire after another is an endless process that will keep us engaged in the process of cause and effect. It is needed, but it will not release us from the story and thus come to know You, ooh Divine Mother. Because, even the desire to be free plays the same way all other desires play, it keeps us in the loop. It does help to create a useful habit pattern. We can create a new role in our life’s story that gradually becomes aware that none of the false identities are who we are. But, even the “yogi role” is not who we really are. Even the desire to be free needs to be renounced. Then, we can live from the Witnesser stance, which is not a role, but our True Self.
It is quite amazing, to see how a “me” can build a whole story around itself. From this witnessing stance, you not only start seeing your own story and the world it created, but also start to see the rest of the manifestation and its grand story. Gradually from this witnessing stance you start to see all people around you as stories. Every person you encounter can be lovingly looked upon as another story in the lap of Divine Mother…
With this expanding perspective all of manifestation becomes one saga of eternal diversity appearing within Non-duality. Then you see, it is all You. No separation. One big story. You can see how each appearing individual aspect of this grand story is beautiful on its own. You can enjoy the performance, while accepting the fact that most are living this story in ignorance, believing that their story is real. They think they are a “me”. In awe it can be observed how an individual is able to constellate a whole world around itself, around its story. It lives in this bubble being able to play out its story. How amazing it is that this earth is the ground for innumerable bubbles, stories all playing out in the same space!
As long as someone thinks it is a real, it is experienced as real. Thus, compassion to the stories will naturally arise, though will not make you fall asleep into their dramas. Lovingly you live among the many stories, selflessly giving where the story allows it.
We all know that one day our story seems to end, that the book will temporary close, when this body drops. Only when we wake up to the Witnesser of the stories will we be able to truly live “happily ever NOW!”
Ooh dear seeker,
Let Me share you My perspective. Within My Formless lap I hold infinite possibilities of unlimited forms. Like a grand puppeteer I can tell endless stories of becoming, growing, being and going. The stories have one common theme; eventually everyone is led Home. Led to be aware of the true nature of existence. Lifetime after lifetime, in its own momentum, the desire pool is allowed to wake up. I become aware of Myself as Formlessness in a form. What more amazing can there be within this Leela, this play? I emerge as the seeker and as the teacher who selflessly guides the student lifetime after lifetime to Myself. The stream of guru, that dispels the darkness is Me. It can be transmitted from one form to another, because nothing is really separate, it is all Me! So, dear seeker, see Me in all. I smile at you through every smile. I play with you in all your stories. I hold you throughout all your adventure. I am your Mother… and you are an incredible story… the grandest story of all; You are Me!
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Yoga Meditation, Contemplation, and Devotion for Self-realization
This site is an offering to those who deeply long to experience Pure Consciousness that is known as Divine Mother or Tripura (‘Tri’ means three, and ‘pura’ means city); She is the one that lives in the three cities of Waking, Dreaming and Deep Sleep. Temporary leaving behind the three cities and residing only in Pure Consciousness is called Self-realization. Another name for this realization is Yoga; the union of the individual self with the universal Self; the union of Atman with Brahman, or Shiva with Shakti; or the dis-union of Purusha and Prakriti. Some might think of Tripura as an anthropomorphic being but She is not, She is the Non-dual Reality in which all appearing manifestation seems to exist. All that is, is the Non-dual Reality.
On this site the teachings of Yoga, Vedanta, and Samaya Sri Vidya Tantra are offered to guide you in learning to meditate directly on Tripura by using modern ways of communication such as through animations, while preserving the ancient wisdom. These teaching have been given to us by an ancient lineage of meditation masters, lovingly called the Tradition of the Himalayan masters. These practices lead us to a space of stillness and silence where Yoga meditation, contemplation, mantra and prayer converge into deep devotion and constant awareness of Tripura. At the end of the journey when all efforts are exhausted, grace will dawn. This is known as shaktipata, through which the final barrier is removed, which is the piercing of the bindu, and leads to the direct experience of Non-dual Reality. This finally reveals an unimaginable Joy from knowing the Non-dual Reality or Pure Consciousness!
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